My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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