i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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