I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
