We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
