I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
