College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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