I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
