I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
