I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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