he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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