So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
