Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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