oh god the rape fog is back!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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