I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
