I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
even my farts smell like vagina
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
