He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
