when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
