My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
