i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
