Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
