Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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