Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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