Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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