Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
