Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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