i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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