She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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