No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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