He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
