im drinking this country out of the recession.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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