Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
