I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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