im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
