he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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