omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
