He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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