we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
