did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
