I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
