Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
