I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
