I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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