matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
