That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
smell my finger.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
