Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
God, I missed his penis.
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