My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
