ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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