I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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