I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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