I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
