she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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