there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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