I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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