Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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