I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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