I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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