i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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