If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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