I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
